We all have experienced at least once the feeling of judgement towards ourselves after we did something that was probably wrong.
- Partying until 4am when knowing that in 2 hours I might wake up to work.
- Message to the Ex when you surely know that the only thing he will do is to break your heart
- Eat something very sweet even though knowing it is risky to your health.
Since I was born, I am dealing with the dilemma of “a big temptation to eat something sweet and amazingly tasty” but i am frightened and afraid of the diabetes.
I was born to a family which on both sides are diabetic.
Although my parents are not sick, my grandparents are, same as my uncles. Which made us the grandchildren automatically join the community of high risk according to the high genetic risk we have because of our descendants.
Forever I will have this image in my head of my grandma sticking the needle in her finger and right afterwards pinching her finger with the orange injection tube, which only growing up I have realized the name of it Insulin. That liquid with the strange smell.
Somewhen between 9 and 11 years old I was examined as a diabetic and began my sugar control diet to ensure i am not sick. After a month, the doctors have ensured me that it was a fake alarm. Due to the adjustment I have changed my diet and was never again a fanatic sugar consumer.
There are very few moments nowadays that i take the risk and taste the sugar-packed dessert and right after comes that feeling of “why did I do it?” and it reminds me once again the young kid scared that was told to lower the sugar consumption in order to not join the diabetic club.
During the years I have been exposed to more diabetics and the new risks which comes with it. I have met kids and adults, men and women. Pumps, needles, studies, innovations and none of them ain´t lowering the nerves of every single routine blood test.
It is true that over time you fall in love with the tiny needle, ask a person with tattoos, he might understand what i am talking about. So I, enjoy going everytime to the routine blood test. and the fright i was describing before, comes up and even stronger every time I get the results, the fright of the doctor telling me that I have joined the club.
In the diabetic club the concern of fainting or dizziness is always around,
Is it hunger or is some sugar missing in my blood?
And during every cut or wound, follows the risk of complications and the possibility of limb loss. It is about sticking a needle in your body 5-6 times a day.even when laughing so much with your friends or collages- you ask yourself if it is so funny that i am laughing to hard or it is hipo.
In the club there in not a question about eating sweets or not but how much milligrams of insulin i would need to inject after?
I have no idea how much, I would not like to know..
So for now I will keep questioning if to try that sugar packed cake or not.
To live near the diabetic and not as part of the club.